November 22, 2002 | 1:46 PM

Let�s break for a moment in the telling of boy stories from the past and talk about a new one.

I just got back from my walk with J.

He is very attractive. He is extremely smart and well spoken. He shares my politics. And he was sweet enough to take me to this beautiful spot overlooking the entire city (right by New England Baptist hospital.) He kissed me.

And he�s like smitten with me.

(Where does this come from? I have two men that are so into me right now. This has NEVER happened before.)

But he�s just not for me. I wouldn�t mind being his friend but even though he�s quite good looking there just aren�t any sparks on my end.

He�s too fastidious and not wacky enough and not in any way shape or form wild.

I like boys that are slightly (or lots) crazy. Who are not normal. I want to date someone like Jack Kerouack or Glen Gould or John Lennon. Unpredictable. Ingenious. Rebellious. Madcap.

The two men I�ve ever been in love with have had elements of zaniness and craziness about them. They were both off kilter in some wonderful ways, and in others that were very trying. But I�ll take the trying and difficult and drama and mess any day over the boring, staid, and unimaginative.

That�s why I will probably never get married. Because it�s my nature to be sort of insane and the people I love are sort of insane. And that makes for a volatile relationship where shit blows up all the time.

But I gotta tell ya�. I prefer that. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I know what I�m in for in life. It�s not going to be easy, but that�s fine.

I'll leave you now with a quote that I think sums all this up:

Because the people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!""

--Jack Kerouack

On The Road