November 09, 2002 | 7:55 AM

Last night saw Debbie and I at Symphony Hall for Barbara Bonney�s performance.

She has a beautiful voice, and is lovely to behold (despite the fact that she unnervingly resembles Doris Day.)

Debbie asked me to come out afterward to a bar with her and Jonee and Jeremy, and I so wanted to. I haven�t seen Jonee in what feels like ages (even though it�s really just been weeks.) But I knew that if I went out, I would break the cleanse, and I just couldn�t do that. It was only day 4 and still in the danger zone.

I�m glad I was so honest with myself because in the past I would have fooled me into thinking I had the willpower to decline a chocolate martini. But I guess I�ve become more realistic.

I regretfully declined and told Debbie I would see them tomorrow.

Lately it�s been hard for me to say no to any kind of fun. It�s probably because I spent so long not having any fun at all, sitting at home and waiting for someone else who was always having fun, that now I lap up like a starved puppy, all the fun I can get.

So I went home, and I am glad I did. I curled up on my couch with my afghan and a cup of tea. I read Robert Browning and watched episodes of Felicity. It sounds tame, but it was so comfy and nice, and just what I needed.

And I didn�t break the cleanse.