November 06, 2002 | 11:47 AM

OK so day 2 of the latest cleanse (Monday I didn�t make it the whole way).

I am using lime juice instead of lemon juice this time in the recipe and OHMYGOD it is so fucking good. I mean it tastes delicious. I�ve always really liked the flavor of limes.

I am hoping that my depression lifts soon. That was what was so wonderful about the last cleanse�how emotionally clear I felt while doing it. Even when I was sad, my feelings and thoughts were pure and unmuddied. And I felt sovereign in my own skin. And I knew I was just radiating all the best of me.

I think I�m also going to meditate a lot and do even more yoga this time around. I want to come to some decisions about my life direction, more so than I have in the past. I�ve been giving myself a wide berth and a lot of options instead of really choosing a path. I mean, I chose an apartment and a job. And I chose to end my relationship. And I chose friends I want to be with. And I chose classes. And that�s great.

But now I want to pinpoint what I feel I should really be doing here. I have so many interests and desires that I get scattered easily�planning projects that never come to fruition, spinning out possibility after possibility and never being able to pick just one. As Camus said, when you refuse to make a choice, you�re still making a choice. You�re letting circumstance decide for you. And that is fucking cowardly and unevolved.

If only I had henchman. I like to come up with ideas and perform. I need other people to deal with the niggly details like building sets and finding recreation halls and recording studios and whatnot. That shit just doesn�t come naturally to me at all. If only I had several staff members whose Myers Briggs types leaned heavy on the S and J end of the scales.

Oh well.

Anyway...

Here are some things that are going on in my life right now.

1. I have a job interview tonight for a second job (my other part time job, the one I loved so much, is seasonal and has come to an end). This job I�m applying for is at a non-profit charity that acts as an umbrella organization for many leftist groups including environmental organizations and gay rights leagues.

2. On Friday night I am taking Debbie to the symphony to hear Barbara Bonney sing Mozart and Haydn.

3. On the 16th Debbie and I are going to a party at the Old V52-- originally I thought it was this Saturday but Debbie corrected me. I am a little nervous about it because that place holds so many memories for me and I really hope that I�m in a good lively mood instead of feeling sentimental. It will probably be fine as Jeremy is hosting and he�s the best. I will wipe my ridiculous nostalgia from my mind and meditate it away. For all practical purposes, that life is dead and gone and there is nothing left to mourn.

4. I have a date in two weeks to see Bowling for Columbine (again) and eat Indian food with this guy who is in his mid 30�s and a copyeditor for a medical journal. He seems nice and is well educated and interested in me. I�m not investing anything in it at all. I really hate dating. I fucking hate the whole stupid thing and the getting to know you crap and all the formalities. My problem is that with people I meet organically, I usually wind up becoming friends with them. I think dating is stupid and boring. But I feel like I have to do it to prove something to myself. And quite frankly, I would like to have sex again sometime in the next century (preferably with someone I like) I don�t know the whole thing�s a bloody stupid scam. It would�ve been nice to just have someone to love and get the whole damn operation over with.

5. �Prom� still hasn�t been planned. And Josh and I have to get on the stick with writing some soul music for our project.

So that�s all the news that�s fit to print.

Hee haw.