October 30, 2002 | 6:16 PM

OK I�m writing another entry.

On to other topics besides feeling angry.

Boys.

More specifically, a boy.

Rather, a man. He�s twenty-nine years old!!!! Which is only four years older than I am, but he seems like a grown-up. Real job and masters degree and all. It�s sort of daunting.

In three hours I�ll be on a date with him.

I am getting so nervous about this. Which is truly ridiculous. I mean, he wouldn�t have asked me out if he didn�t want to hang with me. And he told me he thought I was beautiful. It didn�t seem like some lame line either. He just seems like a really nice normal person.

Still I feel suspicious, which I hate. I keep asking myself, why the hell did he ask me out? I�m drinking a glass of Chardonnay to calm my nerves (don�t worry I�m just having one glass�I�m not going to show up drunk for a first date. That would just be one more horror story to add to my romance lore, and lord knows I have enough of those dating back to the age of sixteen when I chased Peter Redda around a pool table.)

I am wearing my above the knee long sleeved black lycra dress and a black cardigan and tights and docs. And a black cap and my nails are painted deep bordeaux., I actually look like some refugee from the French existentialist movement, but whatever.

I am wearing very light makeup�a subtle shade of blushy/nude lipstick, mascara, and very lightly drawn kohl eyeliner. And I�m wearing Jovan white musk, which is the only perfume I like and haven�t worn in forever.

Oh dear, I hope this isn�t going to be awkward as arse and we don�t sit there over our chai latees staring at each other asking lame questions about jobs and pets and favorite foods.

I cleaned my apartment when I got home. I don�t know why because I don�t think I would ask him up here on a first date, but for some reason I just felt compelled to do it.

I just haven�t dated in so long and I have no idea what the protocol is. Do people even date anymore? I haven�t actually dated since like, junior high. In high school and college I just �hooked up� with people, and then I had a boyfriend for six years. I feel so out of step.

I hope he�s not crazy.

I hope he�s not rude.

I hope he�ll still like me in a couple hours.

Oh God�I am turning into fucking Brigette Jones, for christ sakes.

Fuck it. It�s just a fucking date. No big deal.

I�ll keep you all posted.

Oh P.S.-- I've noticed that whenever I have an entry about being really angry or feeling terrible about myself, one person drops off my "linking to you as a favorite" list and someone else joins on. Isn't that weird? I feel like I should do some kind of sociological study on that.

Oh also P.P.S.- I think Stockard Channing is my favorite actress and I think it's a goddamned fucking shame she isn't cast in more movies.