October 28, 2002 | 8:12 PM

Gosh, I got a bunch of really insightful guestbook messages and emails from people about my last two entries and I think a lot of what people said (Tremble, Automouse, Rotinigold) really made sense and was quite helpful. As well as flattering. Sometime you just need to be told that people love you, and just hearing that makes things feel better.

I'm feeling sort of broken hearted right now. And I think I've come away with a myopic cynical view about relationships and about men. I think what I need is to put myself out there and(dare I say it) maybe start dating very casually. Just to give myself a different perspective. And keep an open mind. Not all men are dishonest. Not all men are going to treat me as a consolation prize. And I need to stop thinking of myself that way.

What I need to do (and have been doing in many ways more and more so over the past year) is treat myself positively, and not accept behavior from people that makes me feel bad. I am choosing to not surround myself with anyone (even if I love them) who I feel like shit around. I want every single person in my life to be inspiring and challenging to me, and not hurtful and draining. There just isn't any room to be around people who feel like they're doing me a big favor and who don't love me as much as I love them.

Here is what I want from the next person I date.

1) They have to have a life and friends and a career completely seperate from mine. They have to feel fulfilled and have goals and passions-- whatever they are doesn't matter.

2) They have to think I'm beautiful and be proud to date me.

3) They have to be open and honest and want to discuss their feelings.

4) If I act like an asshole they need to call me on it and tell me why my behavior is bothering them.

5) I want to date the kind of person who if someone made a mean comment about me, would say "Dude that's my fucking girlfriend you're talking about and she rocks so shut the fuck up."

6) I want to date someone that doesn't chase other women, but does have a lot of women friends.

7) I want to date someone who really likes my family.

8) I want to date someone who really wants to grow as a person and isn't afraid to take risks.

9) I want to date someone who will spend the whole day with me in bed.

10) And yeah he should be liberal and like good music and books and all that shit.

11) I want to date someone in whose affections I am completely secure. That I trust his feelings for me so much that if he was say cuddling with a good gal pal I wouldn't feel jealous in the least.

12) I want to date someone who would give me lots and lots of space and want the same in return.

13) I want to date someone who loves to seduce.

14) I want to date someone who will always be honest with me.

I'm going to tell myself that such things are possible. That I have a right to have that kind of relationship, and that I deserve it.

I don't really believe it yet, but I'm going to tell myself that until I do, and behave as though I do. And then maybe some day I will.