October 26, 2002 | 5:47 PM

I just had the saddest, most upsetting dream that I have ever had. Even worse than the roller coaster dream I used to have repeatedly about my mother.

I woke up sobbing and crying out and it took me a good two or three minutes to realize the dream wasn�t real.

I want to describe it but doing so in this venue is a bad idea. So I�ll just say that it involved enormous loss and pain. There was a strip search and a war and the loss of home and of love. In the dream, I also threw up all over the place. I don�t think I�ve ever thrown up in a dream before. It was not pleasant.

The dream had an actual narrative�a beginning, middle, and an end that made perfect sense�like a movie.

I think it may have been the most important and revealing dream I have ever had.

I�m going to write about it now in my paper diary. And maybe someday in the distyant future I�ll post it here.