October 26, 2002 | 8:47 PM

God I feel fucking horrible right now. I have felt more horrible in the past week than I have felt in forever. I�ve just been listening to the Smiths and curling up on my bed and crying hysterically for hours. I know�what a total clich�.

Right now I�m going to go pick up a bottle of wine and some cigarettes and will probably spend the rest of the evening feeling sorry for myself and wishing I were dead. Sometimes it�s a very comfortable way to feel. I�m sure that by Monday morning once I get all this self pity and heartbreak out of my system, I will feel a lot better. And in a few weeks wil llaugh at what a complete and total moron I am.

But for right now it�s sob fest �02.

Oh, I think I�ll watch Bridgett Jones� Diary tonight. That�ll definitely fit the mood.