September 17, 2002 | 5:08 PM

And the other side of the coin is that

I�m not angry anymore. And I can remember everything I loved, everything that made me happy. The vacations to Salem and Providence. The surprise parties. His goofy nicknames. His guitar strings breaking. Our inside jokes. Making love to him. Finshing each others sentences. Spending days on end together and never running out of things to say.

All of those memories are nourishing.. They make me smile. The pang of loss, of resentment, of defeat grows less and less sharp as I focus more and more on my own life and become a separate sovereign human being and not just John�s lame girlfriend.

Can I say this here? I don�t know.

Duh. I love him. I miss him.

But I don�t miss being that girl. And I don�t miss him being that guy. And I don�t miss us doing whatever tiresome, hurtful dance we did.

Breaking up was probably the smartest most loving decision we ever made.

It�s awfully strange how things work out.