August 23, 2002 | 2:47 PM

I just cleaned my apartment and I'm listening to R.E.M. and soon my family will be here.

I'm not nervous anymore. I'm just happy.

I feel wonderful. I popped by the old place today and picked up the last of my stuff. John was there. It feels weird to mention him, like I'm not supposed to anymore-- like I never was supposed to. I don't know. It was really nice to see him. That's all I'll say about that.

And the sun is shining now and my apartment smells like lemons and cleanliness and things are just so good and easy and falling into place just right. Even in sad moments I still feel good and OK-- that I am on the right track and I'm doing fine.

So I'm going to be out of town until after Labour Day. No updates until I get back.

Emily, Jessica, Jessie I know I've been really bad about keeping in touch. But you're on my mind and I will call when I get back. I hope you are all doing fabulously.

Enjoy the rest of your summers, darlings.

I'll see you in Autumn.