August 21, 2002 | 12:32 PM

My biggest problem in life right now is that there just isn�t enough time in the day.

Before there was too much time. Days spent picking my toenails and staring at the wall or worse yet at E True Hollywood Story. Days spent sad and anxious and waiting for the empty spaces to be filled with something. Hours frittered away cataloguing meaningless details�the minutia of life devouring the Big Picture with its jagged rotten teeth�the inconsequential meaningless trappings of egotism and fear feasting on and gnawing at and swallowing and digesting the real meat of life

Time was a Kansas prairie stretching out into hollow sameness. A flat plane. Still. No ocean in sight.

That wasn�t long ago at all. Weeks really.

But it feels right now like a lifetime.

Now I plunder each moment of my day for meaning. There is so much to do�so much I want to accomplish that I can�t stuff it all into the 19 or 20 hours I spend awake. I push my body and my mind to the very limit. To the edge of exhaustion.

The people I love whom I want to see

The stories I want to write

The books I want to read

The wine I want to taste

The pictures I want to draw

The paintings I want to look at

The places I want to go that I�ve never been to before

There is just so much in this world and in all of us. I want to take it all in. I want to wrap my arms and my mouth and my ears and my heart around all of it.

So I get up at 6 AM. Write for fifteen minutes. Run to the bus stop. Eight hours at work. (much of it spent writing, reading, and drawing). Two hours of free time spent writing, record shopping, reading, walking, or listening to music outside. Then three hours (usually) of well loved second job which doesn�t feel like a job at all. Then out with friends for several more hours. Then home at midnight or 1AM. Then movie watching and reading. Or after second job home to write and read and watch the first season of Twin Peaks on DVD. When I can�t keep my eyes open anymore I plummet into dreamland�say around 2:30 or 3:00. Then up again at 6. You get the idea.

I love sleeping but I wish I could sacrifice it for a few more hours of companionship, reading, writing, listening to music or what have you.

Months ago I couldn�t wait to go to sleep. All I wanted to do was sleep eternally. I didn�t even want to live anymore.

Well I�ve spent too much time asleep.

I just.

I don�t know.

Life is short.

Live.

Love.

Be kind to small animals and children.

Tare away your depression and hangups and spoiled selfish petty problems.

There is no reason to be bored. There is nothing to hide from. There is no reason for sedation or dread or any of that crap.

The world is large and welcoming and full of kindness and beauty where you choose to see it and we are all just strardust and fucking lucky to be here.

I have to stop now because in a moment I�ll pull a Julie Andrews and start singing about mountains and shit like that.

But that�s how I feel lately and more and more every day. And I just want to relish it enjoy it.

Because the world is our oyster, baby.

So fry it up and lets have ourselves a damn fine meal.