July 31, 2002 | 1:30 PM

I�m not going to sleep with you.

Who said I want to sleep with you?

Nobody said it.

Ah hah, then.

But you implied it.

Maybe I was just kidding, Anna.

I suppose that�s possible.

See?

Possible, but highly improbable. Like a space ship landing on this train while it�s still moving.

What makes you the expert on who I want to sleep with?

I can just tell.

How�s that? Am I being obvious? Am I making eyes at you and playing footsie under the table?

Not yet. Although you just further extended the implication.

So, why don�t you want to sleep with me?

I didn�t say I didn�t want to. I said I�m not going to. There�s a difference.

So you�re saying you do want to then?

I take the fifth on that question.

But you won�t.

Won�t what?

Sleep with me?

No, I won�t.

Why? Do you have a boyfriend?

Well, I wouldn�t call him a boyfriend...

What is he like?

He�s not my boyfriend.

OK. Tell me about him anyway. What does he look like?

He has red hair and glasses. And a goatee.

A goatee?

Yes. Some of the time anyway.

Interesting.

And he plays guitar. And he�s a writer. I mean, he�s going to be writer.

Ah, one of those.

Those what?

Nothing. Go on.

And he�s just. I don�t know. There�s something about him. I...

Yes?

Well, when we first met he told me he didn�t like to read. So I thought, you know, �what an idiot.�

And?

Well, and then when we first um... the first night we...

Slept together?

No we didn�t sleep together that night. We just... we did other things... Anyway. We were discussing something. I don�t remember what. And he quoted ee cummings.

Really?

Yeah. And I said, �Wait a sec. That�s ee cummings. I thought you didn�t like to read?�

And?

And he was all embarrassed because he didn�t want me to know.

He didn�t want you to know what?

That he... that he�s smart. And sensitive.

So the guy lies to you about whether he reads poetry or not, and then you find out he does. I don�t really see the significance.

He�s not obvious. He�s not one of those boys who walks around pretending to be so...so sensitive and smart. He�s complicated. He seems one way but he�s really not. He intrigues me.

I hate to break it to you, honey, but it sounds like a ploy to me. It sounds like he was just trying to get you into bed.

I�m not stupid, you know. I know he was trying to seduce me. But there was something else too. Something about him that just... It�s like I�ve known him for a million years or something. I can�t get him out of my mind.

So you�re pretty gone on this guy.

I didn�t say that.

If you like him so much, why isn�t he your boyfriend?

Well...

Oh wait let me guess.

What?

He can�t commit. Am I right? He loves you but he can�t commit?

Well sort of. Not exactly

OK, then. Explain.

He has a girlfriend.

Hmmm...The plot thickens.

See, he doesn�t want to be with her anymore.

Of course not.

He was dating her in high school and she goes to college in New York now.

So why doesn�t he just break up with her?

He tries but she threatens to kill herself and she just shows up at our dorm unannounced and won�t take no for an answer. She visits almost every weekend, not that he wants her too. And when she comes she insists that they just hang out alone in his room and he can�t come out and see his friends. She�s evil. I hate her. She gives us all dirty looks and makes us feel really uncomfortable.

So you�re saying that he�s under some kind of evil spell and is just dominated by this vixen that makes him stay in his room?

She�s manipulative. And she�s so mad at him all the time. She�s so critical.

It sounds like she has a reason to feel that way.

You don�t know her. She�s not very nice.

It sounds like he�s stringing her along.

Well, he promised he was going to break up with her really really soon.

And then you guys will be together, right? Is that the deal?

Well...

I mean, you�re the other woman he wants to be with, right/

Well, see it�s more complicated than that.

It always is. Please, do tell.

He wants to be free, you know?

Can I ask you a personal question, Anna?

Yes.

How many women is he sleeping with?

That I know of?

Yes.

He�s not sleeping with anyone regularly besides me.

But how many other women are there?

I...I think three.

Sounds like a charming guy.

See, I knew if I explained it to you you�d think I was an idiot. I knew you would because that�s what everyone thinks. Everyone thinks I�m just this stupid naive girl that doesn�t know any better. That I�m being duped.

Well aren�t you?

It�s not like that. He really loves me.

Oh no Anna. You are far too intelligent to be repeating these cliches.

No he really really does. You don�t understand. Nobody gets it.

Well make me understand.

We spend hours and hours together just reading poetry and singing songs and drawing pictures. We complete each other�s sentences. We can�t bare to be away from each other. He writes me poetry and love letters and he writes stories about me. And when I�m with him it�s like nothing I�ve never felt before ever. He�s like, part of me. And he is kind and sweet and so smart and talented

And...

And I know that he�s being a bastard. And I know I�m being horrible hanging out with someone who has a girlfriend, even if the relationship is on its last legs. But I can�t help myself. I just know in my heart that he�s going to grow and change and that we�re going to be together, you know? I mean, people need to grow and go through the things they need to go through. And when you love someone, you have to give them the space to do that. When you love someone, when you have faith in them and when they love you, everything just comes together eventually. You trascend all of the...the ugliness and the crap and the mistakes. What keeps people apart is making unreasonable demands on each other, or not accepting someone for who they are.

That�s very idealistic. And I think you�ve almost convinced yourself that it�s the truth.

It is the truth.

And what if you�re wrong?

I�m not.

Humor me. What if you are and that pretty dream shatters? What if he doesn�t change? You�re talking about acceptance but you�re implying that you expect something different from him than what he is currently. And that�s not acceptance.

That�s. That�s not. You aren�t understanding what I mean.

Well I do understand one thing.

What�s that?

We need another drink.

*****To be continued. Stay tuned for the next installment....