July 20, 2002 | 12:25 AM

Oh Holy Jesus.

I am moving so so so so SO soon.

In like, two weeks I won't live here anymore.

In two weeks I will have my own home. I will not be sleeping next to someone else.

I have so much to do.

I don�t know. This is just. This is fucking insane.

I mean, everything will be completely different, you know?

WHICH IS REALLY REALLY GOOD.

And also sooooooooo scary.

I am so excited but I�m terrified too.

I�m really afraid that no one will come visit me and I�ll be totally alone.

I mean, I want to be alone. I want to have time to myself. I want to havce that kind of space and autonomy. But I�m afraid of being completely alone.

This is going to be so different. Things will really and truly be over and this phase of my life will be DONE.

It�s just. It�s just really weird. And I don�t know how to feel about it. I mean right now I just feel sad and sort of lost. But I have this feeling that in like three months, I will think about it completely differently. I don't know whether this makes sense, but what I'm most afraid of is that it will feel to me like none of this ever happened, that's it just not that important. I WANT to feel happy. I don't want to feel so horrible and sad anymore. But I'm afraid of how inconsequential this might seem in a few short months-- that all of this, this craziness, this love and loss, might just add up to nothing. That I might as well have skipped over it.

I don't know. I'm feeling terribly confused.

Tomorrow Danni and I are going to the beach.