June 27, 2002 | 10:34 AM

I wonder whether this symphonic turn of events, the continual repetition of several themes throughout the piece in multiple variations, is the result of some sort of universal force at work, or if I or other people subconsciously manipulated events to turn out like this. Because it�s eerily familiar.

The coincidences are strikingly similar. John and I broke up in 1997 and I found out I was pregnant. This was precipitated by a move out of an apartment, major job changes, and the like. That is all going on now as well. It is very different but also very much the same.

When I first met Jenn and she moved into our apartment as a roommate, I was pregannt. Now we are all getting ready to move out and I am pregnant again.

I feel like the idiot watching the end of The Sixth Sense, who didn�t realize it was all adding up to that �OH DUH!� moment. I mean, how could I not have anticipated this happening? Fuck the pill- with my past history I should have been using the pill, condoms, an IUD, and spermicide. And bloody fucking plated armor as well. And I should have made some kind of sacrifice to Baal so as not to get knocked up again.

I really should have known. It�s just too perfect.

My life is a sitcom that has gone on for too long and the writers just keep recycling the same plots over and over again.

And I wonder, what is the point of this? I don�t ask that nihilistically. Anne, like you I too believe there are no accidents. What metaphor should I extract from this? What lesson should I be learning that I haven�t learned?

That men are bastards? That you shouldn�t have sex with anyone you wouldn�t trust to be the father of your child and a loving husband? That when it really comes down to it I�m a selfish unethical human being who doesn�t give a flying fuck about the consequences of my actions? That I�m naive? That love is a lie? That as my mother learned men are babies and they�ll never fucking grow up and once a jackasss always a jackass?

What can I glean from this besides the paltry and shameless 1970�s era ABC movie of the week morality lesson�bad girls get PUNISHED. Stupid naive girls who like to fuck get PUNISHED and men walk off and don�t care as long as they don�t have to wake up really early in the morning to accompany their ex-lover to the family planning clinic.