June 26, 2002 | 12:15 PM

I spoke on the phone with Planned Parenthood and my doctor. I have a doctor's appointment today. And I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood for a couple weeks from now.

Going through with this pregnancy would be very very risky for my health according to my doctor, and not recommended at this time. My thyroid is wonky and the PCO has been problematic. I'm also on a lot of medication right now and no one can be sure how it would affect fetal development. Besides all of the other reasons I have misgivings about having a child right now, I am not willing to take the very real physical risks.

I am very very early in the pregnancy-- like three weeks, and at this point RU-486 is the safest least invasive option and it will not have any effect on whether I can carry later pregnancies-- it's basically like an induced period.

I still feel terrible about this, but I actually feel much better than I did.

I am truly glad that there is an option available which isn't invasive.

I know it probably seems weird to talk about this so openly on diaryland to a bunch of people I don't know. But honestly, I really feel that these issues are so important and there is so much shame and guilt associated with them. I understand people's need for privacy and I respect that. But I feel so strongly that women need to discuss things like abortion and abuse and sexuality and all that stuff that still, even in this new millenium there are so many mixed messages and so much guilt and paranoia associated with. When I recounted my abortion in The SAGA, so many women wrote to me about their experiences, and it was always, "please don't tell anyone" or "this is private", and again-- I so understand and respect that decision. But I feel like I can't be quiet about this, and sharing with all of you really helps me, and maybe it helps some of you who might have had similar situations. I don't know.

Thank you very very much for everything, d-land peeps.