May 31, 2002 | 12:07 PM

This morning I went to Cambridge on a work related errand.

Only it turned out that the lady I needed to see had an emergency meeting and wasn�t going to be in for an hour and a half.

So I sat outside at the cafe and had a soda, smoked a few cigarettes, listened to my discman (an awesome soul mix*), soaked in the sun, and watched people walking through Harvard Square.

Then, I strolled over to where my new apartment will be and I went inside the lobby. The building is very old. It has an old fashioned elevator and lots of ornate detailing on the walls.

I did a little dance.

I can�t believe I am going to be living there.

Then I walked back to meet the lady, and after she signed the work related documents for me, Itook the bus to my office.

I just got here.

I can�t believe I get paid to do stuff like that.

I feel so much better now. So much better. I think I worked through so many things yesterday and it�s alright.

I only hope that someone can forgive me for being mean and reflexively selfish. And I hope that I can forgive him for all the hurt he has caused me in the past. Because you�re very very lucky if you can find people in this world that you love. And I do love him. It�s hard because the love is mixed with a lot of poisonous resentment and other pent up feelings that were never dealt with. It�s probably the same for him. I am hoping that we can work through this but I completely understand if he needs some space right now.

I will be patient, and when everyone�s heads are cooler I hope that we can sit down and talk some things out. I also hope he understand that it was very very helpful for me to get as angry as I did and cause a small scene. I�m sorry he had to be there for it, but space constraints being what they are, it was pretty much unavoidable.

*The soul mix included Stevie Wonder, Tine Turner, Isaac Hayes, The Sugar Hill Gang, Marvin Gaye, Labelle, Thelma Houston, and many others (all from their good periods as opposed to their later sucky periods)