May 30, 2002 | 10:18 PM

I feel much better.

I just had a very good, very long talk with Jenn.

I think that I said everything I needed to say and I feel like we talked things out and it�s OK.

I do love her.

I understand.

As far as John is concerned, I also care for him deeply. This situation pushed a lot of hot buttons for me.

It�s very confusing. I have been mean to him and for that I am sorry. I have a lot of unresolved pain about the relationship�a lot of hurt feelings. It�s all right there in the saga. I don�t know what else to say about it. It�s difficult when you live in close quarters with someone you broke up with. It�s not as though I could go to my own space and cool off.

In the past few hours I feel like I have detached from the situation. I feel far more rational.

We�ll see.

This is positive because I am learning how to deal with conflict and with anger, and I need to learn that. I tend to magnetize situations which force me to look at myself, and for that I honestly am greatful.