May 28, 2002 | 10:43 PM

I oddly enough despite all assurances otherwise had a strong feeling this was going to happen.

Lame lame lame.

The end of two relationships.

Bye friends.

Have fun.

Now it's midnight and I'm so upset that I can't even sleep. And the thing is, I can't even talk about why I'm so angry because of who reads this. And it's not really my business to even be angry if you subscribe to the idea that adults have a right to do whatever they want with their lives. Which I do. I mean as far as being ethical is concerned, no indescretion has been comitted. And yet it is so hurtful and just plain wrong considering everything. And I can't go into the reasons why because doing so here would be petty and immoral. But I do know that it wouldn't have even occured to me to do what they're doing. And they can say it has nothing to do with me, and I understand the reasons for it and so on, but it does have something to do with me. And it's just the final nail in the coffin of "I don't give a shit about you" from the illustrious Mr. Ex.

And I am so sorry that I ever got involved in this situation. I wish I could take it all back right now because I am just disgusted.

I wish I could get out of this apartment right now. I wish I could erase the entire past three years of my life. I am so sick of not being able to trust people at their word. Fuck all of this. It sucks when your own selfishness and other people's lack of regard for you are shoved in your face at the exact same time. Because there's really no correct recourse. Any way you behave you're a jackass.

I wish I could just disappear. I don't think this is repairable.

Wow. This certainly has been a month of endings. If I get rid of anything else I'll be completely starting from scratch. Maybe that's what I need. No attachments.

I am a horribl judge of character and of who I should and should not let into my life. I really ought to have someone else pick my friends for me.