May 02, 2002 | 1:22 PM

It was bound to happen sometime.

My boss asked me today if anything was wrong and I tried to say, �No, I�m fine.� but instead I started to cry.

Yes, I am that lame girl, the one who cries at work. I don�t want to be a drama queen�honestly, I don�t.

Vulnerability is a double-edged sword. On the one hand it lets me do things like write stories and perform on stage and on the other hand it turns me into a big fucking mess. My feelings always make themselves known. I am the exact opposite of stoic. I can�t hide anything.

But. This isn�t The Stupid Company where people sneer and talk behind your back about what a pussy you are if you get upset.

My boss, who is quite possibly the coolest woman on the planet, shut my office door and hung out with me for two hours and talked to me. She was so incredibly kind and awesome, and shared details about her life and it seems we are both dealing with really similar situations. And it wasn�t a bitch fest�we weren�t being catty and complaining or anything like that. It was just a nice talk and it made me feel so much better.

Last night I hung out with Jenn. We had a couple drinks and watched Felicity and she made me laugh and that made me feel better too.

And I�ve gotten such nice wonderful emails from Emily (even though I stood her up the other night) and Jessica and other diaryland people and non-diaryland people, and it feels really really good to have friends that care and people who are supportive and there for me.

And as upset as I am, I actually feel like I�m there for me too for really the first time in my life. Everything doesn�t have to fall apart. It�s OK for things to be painful and be worked through. It�s OK to feel uncomfortable and not know how everything will turn out. It�s OK to say, �I�m not happy�, as long as you do something about it.

I have a massive metaphysics paper due. This is the Big Crazy Time at work. And my personal life is going through the shredder.

But I will get through it and things will be better and someday in the not too distant future I will be happy and everything will be fine.

Because I will make it be that way.

I am so lucky. I have talent and brains. I have a good job. I have people who care about me. I make decent money. I�m not bad looking. And the world is not coming to an end.

And I look back on my life and some shitty shitty things have happened. Shitty things happen to everyone. And so do wonderful things. And there are always opportunities to learn and to be a better person. And things work out OK if you trust your instincts and follow your heart.

Probably no SAGA entry today.

Writing yesterday�s was a lot of fun. I�ll probably have another one tomorrow.