April 20, 2002 | 1:27 AM

I had a wonderful wonderful day with my family.

The family is visiting. They make me so fleetingly love gorged happy.

And now.

Now I feel horribly horribly sad.

I have no right to feel sad really.

I mean, I have everything.

And yet I am always so� devastated.

Coltrane follows me down Harvard Ave. I am just one of hundreds sloughing down this street, hand in pocket, remembering my former life in a rose colored haze.

And wondering why it is that I don�t mean a mutherfucking �nuff for someone to change his god damned ways.