April 03, 2002 | 9:53 AM

Jesus.

So, I�m getting to the part in the SAGA right now that is �recent history��the part where I move to the apartment that I�ve lived in for the past two years.

A lot happens.

A fucking hell of a lot.

Crazy Stupid Company stuff.

Crazy relationship stuff with John.

Crazy stuff with Angus.

Serious nervous breakdown.

And much of it is still unresolved. It�s all still happening. It�s not like there�s a �They all lived happily ever after� type moment (as of yet anyway) at which I can end the story.

Which makes it hard hard hard hard to write.

I guess I�ve been sort of hoping that something fantastical would happen that would tie up all the loose ends�you know something like...

And then I won the lottery and lost fifty lbs and I realized the meaning of my existence and I bought a loft so I will never have apartment troubles again. The End.

Or...

John and I get off our lazy asses and record our album and make efforts to play out again. Iris from Yo La Tengo happens to hear it being played on NPR�s local rock show, and she contacts us to support her band on their upcoming tour. We become indie rock legends, and the next thing I know I am hanging out with Lou Reed in the East Village, drinking a scotch and soda and hearing his side of the Lester Bangs controvery. No more apartment traumas. No more jobs. Just music music music and debauchery galore.

Or at the very very least...

John finally gets up the courage to leave the Stupid Company and goes on with his life, and we talk everything out and we have a normal relationship. I understand and resolve all unrequited feeling for Angus, and Angus does likewise for me. And we have a nice easy friendship with no drama or craziness and all sexual tension is resolved. I deal with scary neurosis issues and recover from all past psychological trauma brought about by homelessness and poverty. I learn to be a moderate person and am not so easily thrown for a loop emotionally. I am completely happy and content in my life and I take up crotcheting and shopping at Pottery Barn.

Fat fucking chance.

Everything is still messy. My destiny is still up in the air.

As is everyone�s I suppose.

It shall be interesting getting there anyway.

Stay tuned for the SAGA�s Final Act...