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March 14, 2002 | 10:50 AM To All The Homes I've Loved Before (Part 35)
This is part Thirty-Five of the entries about all the apartments in which I�ve lived since moving back to Boston7S)### Thurston St. You can pretend you don�t care anymore. You can pretend to forget one night so long ago when he kissed every inch of your body on a faded pink fold out sofa. You can pretend to forget giggling beneath a blue afghan while his hand strolled up and down your thigh, his fingers drawing slow circles in your flesh. You can pretend you don�t remember how he smelled up close, like bourbon and hard work, and something sweet you can�t quite place. You can pretend he never made you feel like the most beautiful girl in the entire world. It is easy to pretend these things. Especially because he behaves like such a priggy bastard at The Stupid Company. And because you love your boyfriend. Of course you do. But when your schedule and John�s schedule sweep you out of each others� spheres, and you start having a couple drinks with Angus after work, one things leads to another. And another. And another. And. You can�t pretend anymore. The topic is introduced over several margaritas at the awful Tex Mex place �round the corner from work. Remember when we�? Yes. those were wild times. Why didn�t we ever�? I don�t. I don�t know. And you look into each other�s eyes and show tunes play in your brain. And you feel like Cyd Charise dancing on a hill of heather in some Technicolor MGM daydream. At the end of the night you hug each other closer and closer and one day you can�t let go. He kisses your neck and your ears and then finally he kisses your mouth and you let him because you haven�t been kissed like that for so long and because you love him. And it feels lovely and wonderful and right. And you know anyway that John, your boyfriend will be out late drinking as usual. And that he doesn�t even love you enough to keep his promises or call you when he isn�t coming home. But still, there is the guilt. O the guilt! You feel like a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad person. And you are. Because you do actually, really and truly and always will, despite your best efforts not to, love your boyfriend. And you love Angus. You love your boyfriend. You love Angus. So you sit down with your boyfriend and you level. I want to experiment outside the relationship. I want to experiment with Angus. You can experiment too. It�s fine with me. Go do what you want. Maybe you are hoping he will gather you in his arms and say, No! I promise I�ll make love to you every day and I�ll quit the Stupid Company and start writing again and we�ll live happily ever after and any time I�m going to be late I�ll call you so you won�t worry that I died. But, what actually happens is this. He looks at you for a long moment. And then he shrugs. OK See, he�s fine with it. Or, he pretends he is fine with it. So. You are now in a semi-open relationship. John doesn�t stray very far. His experimentation amounts to some snuggling and boob grabbing and the like. Perhaps he knows how much his past cheating hurt you and wisely errs on the side of caution. You, on the other hand. You go a tad farther than that. Stay tuned for Part the Thirty-Sixth�
We are young, heartache to heartache! We stand! No promises! No demands! Love is a battlefield! We are strong! No one can tell us we're wrong! Searchin' our hearts for so long! Both of us knowing! Love is a battlefield! So before you get shot full of lead, read the SAGA from THE VERY BEGINNING!
time capsule from heaven - Sunday, Aug. 21, 2011
31 - Saturday, Mar. 15, 2008
Dead/Alive - Monday, Mar. 10, 2008
Do not trustTIAA-CREF-- they are fucking their customers - Friday, Jul. 28, 2006
Shilling - Tuesday, Jul. 11, 2006
Before After
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