February 11, 2002 | 12:17 PM

6) Absolutely Fucking Nowhere

We are in Cape Cod and I finally let my mother hypnotize me.

Hypnotize isn�t exactly the word. Technically, it�s called �Guided Imagery� and it is part of what my Psychic-Therapist-Mom does for a living. This aspect of her profession has always left me feeling slightly queasy�I am skeptical of its validity, and the whole scenario is a wee bit too New Agey for my taste. Normally I would just go through the motions to humor her. But now I am beyond desperate. I will do anything if there�s even a remote possibility that it might help me find a new place to live. So I take the process seriously.

We sit on the weathered couch in our vacation rental condo while the kids play at the beach. My mother puts me under.

I close my eyes while my Mom counts backwards. She suggests I deepen my breath. She goes through all the major muscle groups in my body and tells me to relax each one. Eventually in this process, I come to feel as though I do not even have a body. I am aware that I have ascended to some other level of consciousness- one that I have only encountered twice before, both times under the influence of LSD.

All tension evaporates. I simultaneously float out of my body and deeper into my self.

I am under my mother�s spell.

My mother�s voice glides alongside me, a separate entity guiding me on this journey.

Picture yourself moving inward towards a still small voice within. You are journeying to the very core of your being�the foundation of your consciousness

Hypnotized, I follow my mother�s voice through a long corridor and then down a spiral staircase that descends into a void. Finally I reach the bottom. I am someplace I have never been before.

My mother prompts me.

Where are you?

I am looking into a jail cell. There�s a little girl in the cell.

Do you know her?

I stare intently at the little girl. She is wearing a blue fairy costume with lots of tulle and sparkles. There are even blue sparkles in her dark hair, which is pinned in a silver tiara. Her tights are also blue as are her ballet shoes. She is slim limbed and round faced. She is perhaps six or seven years old and is skipping contentedly around the cell.

I let out a gasp of recognition. I know who she is. I had thought she was gone forever.

There is silence and then my mother speaks.

You can ask her anything you wish and she will have the answers.

I clutch the bars of her cell and I call over to this little girl I have not seen in years and years; I had done my best to forget all about her.

When she hears my voice she ceases skipping and walks over towards me. There is a quizzical expression on her face. She speaks to me, and although she appears to be 6 or 7 years old, and talks like an adult.

It�s about time. I�ve been waiting for you forever.

Um... I�m sorry

You should really let me out to play. It gets boring in here and I�m lonely. Besides. I can help you.

I am flustered.

You can? How?

The little girl is impatient.

Don�t you have some things you want to ask me?

I start crying.

My house burned down. I don�t have a home

The little girl nods her head sympathetically.

You haven�t had a home in a long, long time. Maybe never. You�ve been looking in all the wrong places.

I had a sock full of money. The money burned too.

The little girl dismisses this.

It�s just money. You�ll find the money you need. You just have to ask for help.

Who would I ask?

The little girl thinks for a moment.

You will ask Jane and she will help you. And you will ask Eric and he will help you. You will come up with some of what you need on your own. You are going to be promoted shortly and you will work a lot of hours. You will be able to put down half the money you need of your own volition.

I don�t want anyone else to save me anymore. I�m tired of being such a burden to everybody.

You will pay them both back. And it will be the last time. It will be different because it will be very clear that you have turned a corner, that you are determined to change your life. And you will.

But I don�t even have a place to live. Nobody wants to live with me. Besides, my credit sucks and I can�t get on a lease anywhere.

You are making assumptions. You will be proven wrong.

Do you know someone I can live with?

The little girl smiles delightedly. Apparently I have asked the right question.

Do you remember Madeline?

You mean Ben�s girlfriend?

The very one.

Yes, but I don�t know her too well. I only met her once.

But she gave you her phone number. It�s in your wallet. She really likes you a lot.

I stare at the little girl. I don�t know what to say.

Madeline and Ben are trying to find an apartment but they are realizing that it won�t be affordable without another roommate. Madeline has just gotten off the phone with the realtor they have been working with. She has told the realtor that she has changed her mind; she wants to find a three-bedroom instead of a two-bedroom. She has just hung up the phone and is sitting on the couch trying to figure out whom she can ask to move in with them. When you are done talking to me, you will call her. You�ll see. Everything is going to be just fine. Things are going to be different now.

Instead of feeling bowled over or shocked at the strangeness of this information, I am calm. I have a sense of assuredness about the future that has eluded me over the past two years.

I am however suddenly exhausted. I can hardly speak anymore. The little girl seems to realize this.

Yu should go now. But you can come talk to me anytime. Anytime you want to talk, just come find me. I�ll be around. And someday you�ll feel comfortable enough to let me out of here.

I nod.

And I wave good-bye.

My mother is counting backwards again. She brings me out of my trance. She is grinning ear to ear. She knows she has proven me wrong. That it isn�t just bullshit.

Well?

I jump up and my heart is racing.

I have to call Madeline.

Her answering machine picks up.

Um... hi Madeline? This is Anna Lastname. I met you at Sean�s. We drank tequila together and you gave me your number. This would�ve been maybe three months ago. I don�t know if this helps at all, but um I�m John Lastname�s girlfriend�you know he and Ben worked together at Summer Conference? Anyway... this is going to sound really strange but are you and Ben looking to get a roommate? Because I just kind of had this weird hunch that you might be. I don�t know. Because I�m looking for a new place, and I just thought maybe we could um... combine forces and whatnot. So... I�m on Cape Cod right now. You can call me here. Um bye.

I hang up the phone feeling like a total idiot. What was I thinking. She�s going to laugh her ass of when she hears that. She probably won�t even remember me.

God damn my mother and her New Age mumbo-jumbo.

Meanwhile...

In a Porter Square apartment whose lease is ready to expire, a platinum haired girl gets off the phone with her realtor. She kicks back and lights a cigarette. How the fuck are she and Ben going to find a roommate that either of them can tolerate? Madeline is depressed. She thumbs through a magazine and drinks a glass of crystal Light laced with Vodka. The phone rings but she lets the answering machine pick it up.

At first she doesn�t listen to the message, but then a few words catch her attention.

...strange but are you and Ben looking to get a roommate? Because I just kind of had this weird hunch that you might be...

She sits up and listens more intently. She is so taken aback that she drops her cocktail and the glass shatters all over the floor. She leaves the mess for later.

Right now, she jots down the number.

Right now she calls me back.

Stay tuned for Part the sixteenth...

And if you haven�t read the whole saga and want to catch up, click HERE