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January 31, 2002 | 9:54 AM

To All the Homes I've Loved Before (Part 9)

This is part nine of the entries about all the apartments in which I�ve lived since moving back to Boston

5C)### Com Ave (Kenmore Square)

The bubble has burst. My balloon has popped. My ginger ale has lost its fizz.

I sit in the middle of the floor and smoke cigarette after cigarette. I do not listen to music. I do not read nor watch TV. I do not pass go and collect 200 dollars.

�The sun's gone dim, and

The moon's gone black;

For I loved him, and

He didn't love back�.

I stare at the phone, which does not ring.

I do not eat. I do not sleep. I do not brush my hair or wash my face.

I do not walk outside and feel the rain pelting from the sky in angry bullets.

I sit here all day like this and have since John left.

I am alone.

I am all alone.

But not for long.

There is a key in the door. I don�t know why there is a key in the door when Penny�s not supposed to be home for at least another two days.

I walk to the door and when it opens I recoil backward. And I think about a conversation Penny and I had.

You�re sure Alex is out of the picture, right?

God, I couldn�t be more sure. I haven�t spoken to him in forever. The thought of him makes me sick.

So why the fuck does he have a key to this apartment and why is he standing in front of me smirking like a game show host?

I am flabbergasted and have lost all power of speech.

Alex speaks casually.

Hi. I think I left my medication here.

I stand frozen in front of the door staring at him.

Can I come in?

My tongue is tied in a big throbbing knot. It doesn�t matter because he pushes his way in the door, uninterested in my response.

He walks around the room rifling through drawers and looking underneath the bed while I stand helplessly frozen. Finally I find my voice.

You�re not supposed to be here.

Alex walks over to my duffel bag and unzips it, nonchalantly pulling out my clothing and flipping through my journal.

Penny mentioned to me on the phone that you were moving in here. So, I wanted to come and make you feel welcome.

He walks towards me and I am shaking and terrified.

Get out of here right now or I will call the police.

He grabs my wrist tightly and strokes it with his thumb.

Don�t worry honey. I�ll be leaving in a second. I just think we should get something clear. This is my apartment too, ok? And you can�t keep me out. Penny can�t keep me out. I can come here as often as I want and there�s nothing you can do about it.

My voice is merely a whisper.

Get out now.

Alex puts a tighter grip on my wrist.

Do you remember the last time you stayed over here? Penny and I were in New York and we said you could stay here for the night. Remember that?

She said I could stay Alex. She. Not you. She did. Because it�s her apartment and not yours and you�re not even fucking dating her anymore. What the fuck are you doing here.

Alex continues as though he hasn�t heard me.

You left this place a mess. You didn�t even make the bed. It was disgusting. What kind of houseguest are you anyway? I really can�t even believe I�m going to have to have you as a roommate again.

I completely lose it at this point. I don�t care if he rapes me or kills me and chops me into pieces and throws me in a Dumpster. I am so fucking tired of being intimidated. I scream at him.

Fuck you, you cocksucker. Get the fuck out of my apartment now.

Right then the phone rings. Alex is stunned and releases his grip on my wrist. I run to the phone and pick up the receiver.

It�s Angus.

Before I can begin speaking Alex walks out the door.

Bye Anna. I�ll see you real soon. Have a nice time in the apartment.

I am furious and terrified.

Angus, I need you right now. Something fucking terrible has happened.

There is a pause.

I�m on my way over.

Stay tuned for Part the Tenth

time capsule from heaven - Sunday, Aug. 21, 2011
31 - Saturday, Mar. 15, 2008
Dead/Alive - Monday, Mar. 10, 2008
Do not trustTIAA-CREF-- they are fucking their customers - Friday, Jul. 28, 2006
Shilling - Tuesday, Jul. 11, 2006

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Anna/Female/26-30. Lives in United States/Massachusetts/Boston/Cambridge Harvard Square, speaks English. Spends 60% of daytime online. Uses a Faster (1M+) connection. And likes acting/music.
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United States, Massachusetts, Boston, Cambridge Harvard Square, English, Anna, Female, 26-30, acting, music.