5A)### Com Ave (Kenmore Square)

I leave Angus�s around noon for work. It is a beautiful day in May and I decide to walk there. Lilac petals are shaken from their trees by the wind and they swirl around me in a conspiratorial dance. I float up Tremont Street with the sun in my eyes. Every once in awhile I giggle aloud. In my head, I am singing to myself.

I have often walked along this street before

Only when I turn on to State Street does the reverie fade. As I near the Stupid Company, needles of doubt prick holes in my divine romance.

Yes, last night was beautiful. Astounding. Amazing. It was birthday parties and Christmas trees and a blast of fireworks. It was church music and champagne. It was �Green and Golden.� It was the �Ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night�. And a thousand other poems and songs and hearts and blood and nothing held in and all free and shining.

But um.... now what?

How do you act after a night like that? How do you act when you know you�ll love someone until the day you die but the idea of committing to that person makes you want to run away to Bali and change your name?

Apparently, you act like nothing happened. At least you do for a long, long time.

A year from now there will be whiskey soaked confessions on the fire escape. And re-enactment. And other forbidden apples we can�t let rot.

Today however....

Today we say �Hey what�s up.� and we retreat to the inanity of �Actionable Tele-Research.� I am relieved albeit slightly disappointed that there won�t be any drama. I glance up often at Angus and he is always glancing at me. When our eyes meet we look the other way.

At one point when I glance up, John is in my field of vision..

John.

For a moment, I had forgotten all about him.

I haven�t seen him in a couple of weeks at least. He sits in the cubicle next to mine. He cracks jokes and we goof around. A strange anticipation wells up inside me. A wonderful joyful and completely new independence darts through my being and I want to blurt out, �I know something you don�t know!�

There are so many things he doesn�t know.

At break time we go around the corner for a cigarette.

So. I called Eric�s last night. Nobody answered.

Why did you call Eric�s?

I just wanted to say hi. I haven�t talked to you in awhile.

Oh.

So I left a message

Yeah. I was out.

Whaddja do?

I went out with Angus.

Good times?

Yeah.... Really good times.

And I giggle gleefully. I can�t help myself. My devilish grin betrays me, which is exactly what I�m hoping it will do.

Long hard look from John.

Did you fuck Angus?

Hee hee

Guilty as charged.

Another long hard look. And a pause pregnant with meaning I pretend not to extricate.

He speaks casually.

So how was it?

I shrug.

It was great.

Ah. I see.

Another pause. He glares at me. He is outraged. I am enjoying this immensely.

Well then. Good for you.

I pretend not to notice the dripping sarcasm. I attempt sincerity.

Thanks. That really means a lot to me.

We go back inside and continue bothering unassuming customers of Tufts Health Plan as they attempt to eat their dinner.

I already told someone from your company that I don�t want to buy anything from you. Leave me alone!

But Ma�am it�s just a survey.

Leave me alone or I�ll call the cops.

click.

I am hung up on again and again but unlike most days, I do now dwell on the futility and ultimate purposelessness of my job. I dial away happily.

When the shift ends I collect my backpack and wait for the elevator. John catches up to me. He does not speak until we are outside the building.

I can�t believe you did that.

Did what?

I can�t believe you fucked Angus.

Why? We aren�t going out anymore. Remember? I can fuck whoever I want. That�s what you told me when I found out about what�s her name.

Silence.

He stops walking and stands where he is. I turn around and look at him. His lip is trembling. He looks right at me with those beautiful blue eyes and a lock of red hair falls over his forehead.

(God damn it. God fucking damn it. Don�t do this to me, you bastard. You�ve been telling me for the past three months that you don�t love me. Don�t want me. And now you�re standing there on State Street with a trembling lip? Fuck you, you son of a bitch.)

I walk over to him and we stand face to face.

Hey John?

Yeah.

It�s gonna be ok. Ok? Everything is gonna work out.

I do not know why I am saying this but I somehow know it is the right thing to say. And I know everything will be fine and it will all work out. How? No fucking clue. I just know.

Why don�t you come over tomorrow afternoon. Have a beer. Come see my new place.

What�s the point?

What do you mean what�s the point?

I mean, everything is fucked up.

So... that doesn�t mean you can�t enjoy a good beer.

He shrugs.

Yeah alright.

I leave him standing on State Street and I make my way to my new apartment. Penny has given me the keys as she is spending the weekend gallivanting all over New England with her Southern Gothic family who are up visiting. I will be spending my first three days in the apartment alone.

Hey, fine by me.

On my way I pick up a bottle of Captain Morgan�s and a 2 liter of Diet Coke. I am trembling with anticipation. I cannot wait for my celebratory drink in my brand new tiny perfect little punk rock time-share.

I open the door and plop down on the futon.

Home. Yeah.

Alright.

Stay tuned for Part the Eighth...