January 22, 2002 | 2:51 PM

I keep thinking that �grown up� is a place you arrive at, like a vacation destination.

�Ok everybody get out the car. I know it�s been a long trip but we�re finally here. We finally got to adulthood. Now you can relax and stop worrying about getting lost.�

And I keep thinking, �when am i going to stop feeling like a little kid?�

But the sad thing is I don�t feel like a little kid in the way that I would want to�being full of energy and imagination, feeling like the future is wide open and anything is possible.

As a child I truly believed that there was all of this wisdom and knowledge waiting for me at certain ages, as though life is some kind of boardgame � Pass go, collect knowledge. Buy property. Live happily ever after.

But instead I own too much and know less and less. Or rather, I know too many things that contradict one another and each piece of understanding cancels out something else.

It is disconcerting.

C�est la vie, n�est pas?