January 16, 2002 | 12:34 PM

I didn�t used to be like this. Really I didn�t.

I wish you had known me when my band performed twice a month.

When I threw grandiose, debauch galas at my fabulous Somerville apartment

When other people liked me so much they threw me surprise birthday parties.

When there was fun to be had and mischief to be up to.

Don�t get me wrong�I have a lot to be thankful for. I am happy with many aspects of my life.

I just wish I knew more people who didn�t bore me to tears. And I wish I didn�t bore myself to tears.

I am boring.

Last night I listened to tunes and watched the Gilmore Girls.

Tonight I might read and drink a bottle of wine.

Why is that everyone I know is either:

a) a drug addict

b) without goals

c) working at the Stupid Company

d) lacking in spontaneity and hopelessly dull

I relate far more to most of the diaries I read online than I do to most people I know.

Someday I will find the balance between together and alone.

But it probably won�t be today.