January 05, 2002 | 5:55 PM

Terri was not the kind of person I would ever hang out with. First of all, her name was Terri. With an i.

Sometimes I wonder what she's doing now. I picture her as a Denny's waitress with bags under her eyes. 4 kids with 3 different men. Dime store makeup. A perm. Snorting meth off the chest of some small time pot dealer.

Sad. Gross. Not my type.

Oh, but how she used to be.

Disclaimer: the following story is not something I am proud of.

When I was 11, I had a thing for trashy girls. They didn't care what people thought. They had confidence and courage. They were sassy. They were mouthy and dangerous. Terri was dangerous. She smoked and wore red lipstick to school. She read Seventeen Magazine and had french kissed three boys. She had seen Dirty Dancing like 5 times. I hadn't even seen it once. My Mom wouldn't let me because in the movie one of the characters has an abortion. I didn't know that was the reason at the time. My Mom just told me it wasn't a movie for kids, and I pouted and plotted a way to go behind her back.

On the last day of 5th grade, I went to Terri's house for a sleepover. When we got home she teased my hair and spritzed me with perfume. She played me her new Bangles record. We watched some bad afternoon televison. After an hour or so we were bored. We didn't have much to say to each other.

Do you wanna make some prank calls?

This was an *in* pasttime at my elementary school. My Mom caught me doing it once and told me,

If I ever catch you making phony phone calls again, you'll be grounded for life young lady.

That wasn't much of a deterrant.

The calls I'd made in the past were pretty harmless. Most of the time we just dialed a number and hung up when somebody answered. Sometimes we called the operator and screamed something like, "Shit!" into the receiver before slamming the phone down and laughing hysterically.

So I was game for the idea

Yeah sure. Let's make some prank calls.

Terri called Brianne, the prettiest girl in our class. Brianne had long red hair and was a devout Catholic. She had told me the previous afternoon that she felt sorry for me, being half Jewish and all, since the Jews killed Jesus thus assuring me an eternal afterlife in hell.

Gotta love those Catholics.

Hello Brianne?

Yes, this is Brianne

Hi Brianne. Why don't you shove a cross up your fucking goody-goody twat?

click.

My jaw dropped to the ground. I had never heard someone use the term "twat" before, but I had a good idea of what it meant.

Terri flashed me a wicked grin.

I can't believe you just called her and said that.

Said what?

You know what I mean.

No-- said what?

You told her to um...

Yeah?

You told her to shove a crucifix up her um...

Up her cunt?

A thrill and then a chill ran up my spine.

Yeah... her cunt.

Terri and I looked at each other and then we burst into hysterical laughter. Something about saying that word--*Cunt*-- was so freeing.

Terri handed me the phone.

Your turn.

What should I do?

I don't know... do something like... call somebody and pretend you're somebody else.

I had no idea who I should call. There wasn't anybody I had any particular beef with besides Brianne and Terri had already taken care of her.

I don't know who to prank.

Terri rolled her eyes at me.

Just dial a random number.

So I did.

Hello you've reached the voice mail of Fred Blah Blah at Xerox Corporation. I am on the phone or away from my desk. Please leave me a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks, and have a great day.

Beep

Um... hi Fred? This is... Cindy. Um... where the hell are you? Didn't we have a date tonight? I've been waiting here for an hour. I really need to talk to you so um... you better be here soon. Bye.

Click.

Terri grabbed the phone from me and hit redial.

Hello you've reached the voice mail of Fred Blah Blah...

Beep

Hi Fred this is Mandy. I heard you're fucking that little bitch Cindy. She's a fucking whore. My friend told me that you got her pregnant. She's going to have your baby. You are such an asshole. Don't even bother calling me back. Fuck you.

Click.

Terri and I looked at each other. I was horrified, but I surprised myself by laughing. I laughed and laughed and laughed. My shomach hurt I laughed so hard. This was the most fun I'd had since going to Darrien Lake last summer. Man was I glad I was lucky enough to be invited to Terri's house.

She passed me the phone. I hit redial.

Hello you've reached the voice mail of Fred Blah Blah...

Beep

Fred, I have to talk to you. I don't know why you're missing our date. I am tired of being your mistress, Fred. I am fed up with your lies and... Fred there is something I have to tell you. I am pregnant!!! How could you do this to me? I never had sex before and now I have to have an abortion. You are such a bastard. I need money to have an abortion, so you better come meet me and give me the money. Fred, you are such an asshole.

Click.

I passed the phone back to Terri.

You should call that guy again. You should call Fred.

Nah. Boring. I think I'll call Brianne again.

Terri dialed Brianne's number.

Hey Terri, don't you think Brianne might recognize your voice?

No. She's retarded. Plus, we're friends. She wouldn't think that I'd be calling her and being mean.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Hello Brianne? Yeah... I was just talking to this guy Fred? He wants to have sex with you. He wants to get a hard on and have sex with you and have a baby with you. Do you wanna have sex with Fred, Brianne?

click

Again we burst into laughter. We were laughing so hard that we didn't hear the keys in the door. Terri's mother, who looked vaugely like Eva Gabor was home. She ordered us a pizza, and we passed the remainder of the evening in an innocuous fashion, raiding the refrigerator and watching taped episodes of The Facts of Life.

The next morning I woke up with a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Yesterday making those calls had seemed like harmless fun, but today it occurred to me that I had done something very very bad.

Terri, do you think there's any way we could get in trouble?

Get in trouble for what?

Get in trouble for making those calls.

No way. Not unless you told.

Of course I'm not going to tell. What do you think I am? Retarded?

My Mom picked me up and asked me whether I'd had a good time.

No, actually it kind of sucked. I don't think I really want to hang out with Terri anymore.

I made a vow to myself that day that I would never ever EVER make prank phone calls again. And I would never ever ever EVER hang out with Terri either. Something about her was giving me bad vibes. Before she had seemed cool and exciting, and now she seemed... well, she just seemed plain bad

One week later I was watching an episode of Little House on the Prairie when the phone rang.

Hello, this is Officer Jenson. I need to speak with your mother.

My mother can't come to the phone right now. Can I please take a message?

pause

Is your mother home?

Technically yes. But she's working. She has a client.

I need to talk to her immediately.

Well... I really can't interrupt her because she's working.

pause

Do I have to come over there?

pause

Hold on a second.

It didn't occurr to me why the police might be calling my house. I figured my Mom was being brought in as a psychic for some reason; it had happened before, so I wasn't concerned.

I went down to my Mom's office and knocked on the door. She opened it and was frowning; I was not supposed to bother her when she was working.

Mom, Officer Somebody is on the phone for you. I told him you were working but he said he had to talk to you right away. I have no idea why.

My mother looked at me incredulously.

Why the hell is the Brighton Police Department calling me?

I shrugged my shoulders.

'Dunno.

As I was curious to find out why the police were calling, I followed my Mom to the kitchen and watched as she picked up the receiver and had the following conversation:

Hello?....Yes this is Mrs.P....What?...Well there has to be some mistake....What do you mean?....are you sure....well I don't believe it...

I knew why Officer Jenson was callig our house.

My Mom looked at me hard. My lower lip was trembling. She knew why they were calling, too.

pause

When do you want us to come down to the station?...OK....We'll be there at 6.

click

My knees were shaking. The jig was up. I started to cry.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? The policeman said you made obscene phone calls to Brianne Macintosh and some guy who works at Xerox? Is this true?

Yes.

Why on earth would you do that?

No answer

Anna, what the hell were you thinking?

I don't know.

Well, they want you and your Dad and Me and what's her name? What the hell is that girl's name? Toni?

Terri.

They want all of us to go to the police station tonight at 6.

My mom and I just stared at each other.

Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in?

Yes. Yes I do.