January 02, 2002 | 8:51 AM

I'm going to be lazy and refer you to John's story regarding what I actually did for New Years (Read this entry).

It's weird to read about yourself in the 3rd person, especially since in John's diary I am this sort of faceless entity. I don't have a personality-- I am merely an archetype. Reading his diary you wouldn't know anything about me at all. Very very weird. I think people would get a greater idea of what he's like reading my diary than what I'm like reading his, although I could be wrong. But whatever...

So New Years made me a happy and sad at the same time. I think I probably had a better time than John did, but that's ok. I very much enjoyed being able to spend time alone with him, which basically hardly ever happens in real life; our schedules are completely different and so are our lifestyles. Being on vacation with him brought me back to all of the reasons I love him.

While we were away together he didn't act like a goofball, which was refreshing. When he's around other people he usually takes on this 12 year old class clown persona, which is somewhat endearing but is definitely a barrier to any real intimacy. Since I only really spend time with him anymore when he's around other people (i.e. my roommate), I don't get to see the *true* him too often. And I didn't realize how much I missed that. We used to hang out alone together so much and we had such a great time. I feel kind of sad because I know I probably won't get to really spend any time with him until... well probably until the next time we go away-- or until he gets a different job and has a schedule more similar to mine. But I'm not counting on that happening anytime soon. It would be great if it did, but I'm not holding my breath.

Whatever-- I have a lot of shit to do in my life now, and I like spending time alone and with other friends. Maybe it's a blessing that I don't really get to see John that often (it's funny-- we live together) because if I did I might be sidetracked from my own seperate reality. If you can't tell already, he's a huge ocean on the planet that is my life, and maybe it would be overwhelming to be around him too much. I think that we used to be too much a part of each other's lives, which became unhealthy. But now I feel like he isn't enough a part of me. Oh well. Someday we'll get the right balance.

Hmmm... I'll stop blah blah blahing about my boyfriend. I have so many other things to write about-- Jamming with Dawson, getting kissed by Jerry Orbach, the living with Sean proposal, Danny's email, etc. So many stories to tell that I'm overwhelmed and wind up ruminating for the 112th time about John.

How fucking boring.