2001-12-03 | 11:25 a.m.

God, this is the most narcisistic thing in the world. Why does anyone want to put their goddamned diary on line? Why can't we just write it all down in a cute little journal with bunnies on the cover? Or if we don't like to write with a writing utensil, why don't we just keep our journal in MS Word format on our hard drives? I'll tell you why. Because everyone who is doing this feels that they have something very important to say, and that maybe just maybe, somne other folks out there will really relate to them, and some kind of connection will happen, but you know what? Reading about other people's lives is usually really really boring, and although in person we might find each other witty, interesting, and so forth, in diary format most people just rant about their silly individual obsessions or the minutiae of their days, and guess what-- NOBODY CARES.

I know I said I wasn't going to mention my boyfriend again any time soon, but as this somewhat relates... I find it very amusing that my boyfriend is really upset at the thought of me reading his diary (he woke me up the other night to tell me to stop reading it, which of course I'm not reading it anyway), and yet he has AN ONLINE DIARY which means that anyone who wants to read it can read it. It's ok and desireable for some random yahoo to read his innermost thoughts, but the idea of his girlfriend reading what is on display to the rest of the online planet is a breach of trust. I'm not saying that his desire for privacy or need for me not to read his diary is abnormal because it is normal to want your own private diary but what is strange is that he is so concerned about his personal private thoughts being unearthed by me, yet he puts them online, and he writes this online journal on the computer we share together and he writes it while I am in the room. Isn't that a little bizarre? Of course, much of what my boyfriend does defies logic. For instance, he once told me and our roommate that we shouldn't burn candles because it might lead to us contracting lead poisioning, but as he was saying it, he was puffing on his 20th cigarrette of the day. Lead poisoning? What about lung cancer? Or the fact that he continuously moans about how broke he is yet much of the reason he is broke is because he won't balance his checkbook and continuously bounces checks all over the place (we get at least one "Bounced Check" envelope from the bank per week). Obviously, that's not all there is to him. My boyfriend can be very sweet and he's ridiculously smart and funny in a quirky crazy sort of way. He can also be amazing in bed when he wants to be. I don't know. I think the reason I like having an online diary is to see my words stare back at me on a pretty pastel screen.