Friday, Dec. 19, 2003 | 10:19 AM

Alright. I am fucking head over heels in love. That�s it. I�m totally roped in. Matt is just the greatest GREATEST person on the planet and I am fascinated by him. I love his fucking brain. And his heart, too. And it� s weird �cause I have no agenda at all�none whatsoever. And this could just be a friendship, and as long as its an enduring one, I�m happy with that. I just want him in my life. He is inspiring and beautiful and lovely and everything amazing and there aren�t adjectives enough to describe his awesome wonderfulness.

We got awfully touchy feely yesterday. I don�t know what any of this means. I don�t want to know. I don�t care what it means. Fuck analysis. Have you ever met someone whom you just flipped for immediately? He�s got everything�he�s brilliant and funny and super talented and adorable. I took him to karaoke and he sang �Holly Holy� and I could feel myself falling and it was like, �Oh no! Don�t fucking fall madly in love with this guy.� But I did�in my weird, non-exclusive way, I am just CRAZY about him, and this whole entry is going to be stating this over and over again. It�s been a LONG fucking time in coming, man. To meet someone new and freak out over their amazingness. I just want to hear him talk. I want to hear all his gorgeous ideas. I want to pick his brain. I want to sing with him (OH GOD!!!! FINALLY SOMEONE I CAN SING WITH!!! HE IS SUCH AN AMAZING SINGER.) I want to hug him and kiss his forehead and

OK�my boss just came into my office and gave me a lovely Christmas present and I almost cried. Can people be any more wonderful? Can the world be any better? I can�t believe I was fortunate enough to meet this beautiful lovely ingenious boy on a god damned bus to Rochester fucking New York. When I�m around him I feel whatever shell I�ve built around myself entirely melting away. He is so BEAUTIFUL. He�s got this porcelain skin and huge brown eyes and the most amazing smile. I�m fucking CRAZY about him. I�m going to rant on an on about it and I don�t care. I just love the goddamned kid so fucking much. If I could have packaged the perfect human being, it would have been him. He makes me so so SO fucking happy. You know when you�re around someone and all you want to do is just fucking GIVE to them and you aren�t concerned about getting anything back? I just love him so much that all I�m thinking about when I�m around him is wanting him to be happy, and what�s great is he�s the same way whereas most people definitely aren�t, and I�m usually not either I feel like when I�m with him, I�m a better human being. And being a better human being when I�m around him is totally effortless. And I cannot thank the world or God or whatever enough for bringing this wonderful wonderful person into my life and I just want him here in any way that it works out. I can�t remember what it�s like to feel so totally at ease and connected. God. OH MY GOD. I can hardly sit here right now. I can�t remember ever feeling like this in my whole life.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

I love Matt.