Thursday, Apr. 03, 2003 | 2:26 PM Everyone you could ever be
Nathaniel, Sr.: Do you believe that your consciousness affects the behavior of subatomic particles? Nate: Am I alive or am I dead? Nathaniel, Sr.: (ignoring him) Do you believe that particles move backwards and forwards in time and appear in all possible places at once? Nate: (ignoring him) And if I am dead, is this heaven or hell? Nathaniel, Sr.: (ignoring him) Do you believe that the universe is constantly splitting into billions of parallel universes? Nate: (yelling) WHAT THE FUCK DO I CARE?!? Nathaniel, Sr: You only get one choice, so you may want to think about this. Nate: (desperate) Just tell me. Am I dead? Yes. Or No. Nathaniel, Sr.: Yes. NATE sighs, defeated. Nathaniel, Sr.: And no. NATE looks up, even more perplexed and frustrated. Nathaniel, Sr.: Some places you�re dead, some places you�re alive. Some places you never even existed. Possibly, theoretically. Or who knows, this could just be the anesthesia talking. -- from Season 3 Episode 1 of Six Feet Under (the greatest television show of all time) ***I don�t know about you, but my life often feels inevitable. I look back on moments from the past and see all the dramatic irony, the foreshadowing, the sense that this is a story I am taking part in. A story that like a missile, has a specific course and destination, and that I am under the illusion, sitting atop this missile (like Slim Pickins in Dr. Strangelove, hootin and a hoillerin�) that I have some control over where this thing is taking me. And then yet again I know that I am the person writing this story. Or the higher part of me that stands over myself� the me that holds the puppet strings of wooden puppet-me dnacing mindlessly below, is directing the action. There seems to me too much synchronicity in life that it should all be coincidence. And yet I don�t think there�s some God with a thunderbolt making grand decisions, moving us around like pieces on a chess board. But it isall a chess board isn�t it? You move and someone else moves and you can�t take that move back and you�re fucked. Or you move and you could so easily take that other person�s pawn which would maneuver you into declaring Check mate Mutherfucker! But you don�t because you�re too stupid to have seen it. Or maybe you win by accident. Or maybe you lose on purpose. We�re all just playing chess against the fates. The game could have so many different outcomes. Sometimes I wonder if there were certain days, certain choices I made�small ones seemingly, which would have leads me to entirely different outcomes. That maybe everything would have turned out differently. I wonder often what would have happened if I didn�t go to Emerson College. Or if my father�s doctor had made him take a stress test. Or if my mother hadn�t gone out on a blind date with the man who became (end then un-became) my stepfather. I wonder what would have happened if I had kept running instead of letting someone grab my arm and stop me. I wonder what would have happened if I had gone to that clinic and while on the table said, No, I can�t do this.. I wonder what would have happened if I had never worked at the Stupid Company. I wonder what would have happened if I hadn�t moved by myself this time and instead gotten roommates. I wonder what would have happened if I�d gone on the National Tour of Annie when I was five. Would I have stayed in theater for the rest of my life? Or turned out to be some junky ex child star? And I don�t wonder these things with regret (well OK�except when I�m drunk�) I wonder them with a detached curiosity�like someone who wants to read all the books that have ever been written but there just isn�t enough time. And there aren�t enough moments to live all the lives you could have lived. There�s only this one�this moment, right now, in which you have to make a million choices and feel a million things. I guess that�s why I love acting so much. You can be all the people you�d ever want to be, and you never lose out on being anyone else.
time capsule from heaven - Sunday, Aug. 21, 2011 31 - Saturday, Mar. 15, 2008 Dead/Alive - Monday, Mar. 10, 2008 Do not trustTIAA-CREF-- they are fucking their customers - Friday, Jul. 28, 2006 Shilling - Tuesday, Jul. 11, 2006
Before After
|