December 11, 2002 | 10:26 PM

You didn�t really think I�ve been quiet this long on purpose did you?

My monitor broke. And I have been sick. (Yeah�you kidz that have colds, I gave �em to ya. Sorry.)

I have been actually horrible terribly sick. So sick that I almost passed out at work Monday. So sick that I had to go directly from work to the doctor to get a chest x-ray. Coughing up blood. 102 degree fever. Doctors and nurses recoiling from the projectile sputum shooting from my mouth like gooey yellow cannonballs with each respiratory spasm .

Yeah, I shoulda eaten my fucking Wheaties. Idiot that I am.

Well what the fuck can I say? I never was a cornflake girl.

(Hey rabbit, where are the fucking keys, huh?)

Anyway, I digress.

Diagnosis�not only do I have anemia and a B12 deficiency, I now have bacterial bronchitis (I am really starting to feel Liza or Liz or one of those other one name celebs from other eras who are always on the brink of death.) I have been confined to my house, and because I have completely lost my voice and my computer did not work until moments ago when Debbie, Angel of Heaven that she is, delivered unto me her old monitor, I have been totally isolated from all humankind for what feels like an eternity.

No comminicado, mes amies.

I was going out of my mind. Stuck here. In my apartment. Watching old movies and drinking tea. Not even able to smoke a fucking cigarette or drink and dial for christ sakes.

And so I got all philosophical and shit. And I thought about a lot a lot a lot of things.

None of which I wanna talk about.

But this has been good for me in away. Like the universe and my own soul conspired with one another and said, �Whoah Nelly�you gotta sit your ass down without any distractions and just work though some shit.)

I just truly hope that I will be all done with this crap by Saturday night so that I can go to the Christmas Party and actually talk instead of smiling all June Allyson like and batting my fucking eyelashes �cause no sound will escape my stymied voice box.

(PS-- any of you that are able, I would definitely appreciate a visit. This is the downside of living by one's self. And I am out of juice...)