November 21, 2002 | 3:27 PM

My first taste of romance was as sweet and tart as a ripe pear right off the tree.

The place: Mrs. Callahan�s kindergarten classroom. The time: 1982.

Joshua Stock was a wisp of a boy with alabaster skin and floppy blond hair that fell in ungainly locks over his crystal blue eyes. He was fond of shirts with alligators on them and Chuck Taylor sneakers (I think this began my life long fetish for boys in converse.)

He was shy and awkward and sucked his thumb.

It was love at first sight.

During story hour I would blow him kisses from across the room. He made me cards out of construction paper decorated with scratch and sniff stickers.

I spent several afternoons a week with him as he lived right around the corner from me and our mothers were friends. One of our favorite activities was writing poems about our stuffed animals. He had a favorite raccoon whose name was Racquel, and I still remember his ode to her�

Racquel the raccoon howls at the moon
Each night in June
You�ll see her soon
She doesn�t use a spoon
When she eats shredded wheat at noon

Joshua and I also shared a passion for Starwars.

His family was the first in our neighborhood with a VCR. The two of us watched the first Starwars movie over and over again, often acting out every part as the film played in the background, ala The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I played both Princess Leia and Darth Vader. Leia for obvious reasons, and Darth Vader because I could impersonate his breathing better than Joshua could.

Our love affair continued for most of the year until one fateful day when Joshua came down with the chicken pox and another little boy moved in on the scene.

His name was Trevor and his hair was fire engine red. His eyes were green. He was taller than Joshua and sported more freckles on his chubby little face than I have ever seen on another human being.

He asked me if I wanted to play Starwars with him. I hesitated, but gave in when he took my hand and lead me to the jungle gym.

Unlike Joshua who always preferred to be Luke Skywalker, Trevor enjoyed playing the more dashing and dangerous Han Solo.

Whereas Joshua got a huge kick out of pretending to swing me across the monkey bars, thus saving me from the clutches of the Evil Empire, Trevor�s passion was mocking me the way Han mocked Leia,

Sorry to upset you your royal highness!, he would say sarcastically, a diabolical glitter in his emerald eyes.

I swooned. He was the Marlon Brando of the preschool set.

At the end of the day Trevor kissed me on the cheek without even asking permission. Poor Joshua. He was history from then on.

I still played over at Joshua�s house but it was never the same. I pined for the subtle cruelty of Trevor, and for his encyclopedic knowledge of all the names of the different lesser characters in the Lucas universe, as well as his acquaintance with all aspects of the different planets and space ships.

At the end of kindergarten, Joshua�s family moved to Philadelphia and I never saw him again. Trevor ditched me promptly at the beginning of first grade. I never got a straight answer as to why. Something about cooties.

You don�t know what you got �til it�s gone.

Good night sweet Joshua. I hope you and Racquel are very happy, and you found another Princess Leia who appreciated your chivalry. As for you Trevor, I�m sure you�re breaking hearts all �round the world, You stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking, nerf herder!

Stay Tuned for Part 2...