November 19, 2002 | 1:56 PM

One of the weirder things about where I work is the proliferation of famous people. Being the starfucker that I am,(well, not really but sort of) I can�t really get over it and not act like one of those crazed Beatles fans who�d scream until they faint as J,P,G, and R shook their little mop tops silly.

One of my bosses grew up around the corner from John Lennon. She said he was an awful driver and perpetually stoned. That one time he almost mowed her down when she was hanging out in front of his gate and instead of apologizing for nearly flattening her, he shouted,

Get yer bloody stupid ass away from my fookin� property

Or something of that nature.

This same boss has answering machine messages several times a week from members of the Kennedy clan asking is she wants to �do lunch.�

Another of my bosses is married to a semi famous violinist whose brother happens to be a member of the eels and the wondermints. The brother is friends with Tori Amos and my boss actually met her not knowing who she was except some chic that �plays the piano.�

At various times I have seen congressmen wandering the halls, and once even Miss America stood outside of my office eating a tunafish sandwich. I once saw Heather Nova wandering around outside.

I know I�m supposed to be all blas� about this, and if I was hipper and not such a puppy, these sorts of events would rolls off my back like rainwater. But that ain�t me.

Every day is like being at a zoo for celebrities.

I just wish we were allowed to feed and pet them.

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Oh dear. That actually sort of does sound like me.