August 16, 2002 | 10:18 AM

I am a big costume drama nerd.

Over the past couple days I�ve been all wrapped up in the BBC Pride and Prejudice mini-series.

I love films based on Jane Austen novels.

Yet I hate Jane Austen novels.

Anyway...

I am spellbound.

I can�t stop watching.

Colin Firth is a God.

Those eyes.

That perfect sullen mouth.

That sarcasm and passion.

Maybe it�s not so much Collin Firth but his character Mr. Darcy.

(in case any of you don�t know� Mark Darcy from Brigitte Jones� Diary is based on Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice and Collin Firth played both of them in the respective film versions)

Mr. Darcy would be absolutely wild in bed. You can just tell. He would suck on your lip. And kiss every inch of your body very very slowly from the tips of your toes up to your forehead. He would undress you with reverence and zeal as though you were an altar to which he prayed. He would run his fingers through your hair and to him each strand would be china silk.

Mr. Darcy would be both a gentleman and a scoundrel in the sack. And when you were spent, he would hold you while you sleep as his fingers drew soft invisible circles into your flesh and his lips glided across the crown of your head every so often.

God I wish I wasn�t at work right now. I�m feeling a little flush.

I think the repressed Victorians were a lot more sexy than our current T&A fast-fuck nation.

Oh well.

Better get my mind out of the gutter�however posh a gutter it may be.