July 23, 2002 | 9:46 AM

I have been sucked into bad television.

I�ve been watching E True Hollywood Story and Inside the Actors Studio and Celebrity Profile and Behind the Music wayyyyyyyyy too much. I�m just so keyed up and nervous and freaked out that I need to be soothed by mindless crap. Do I really need to know about fucking Pamela Anderson�s relationship with Tommy Lee? No. I could be reading Henry James for fuck�s sake. I could be watching Cocteau films and studying Jung. At the very least I could be re-watching the Woody Allen canon (oh no�I used the word �canon��I am turning into James Lipton) or listening to my Lenny Bruce CD.

Or better yet, I could be going out for walks and playing outside and all that jazz you do in the good ole� summertime.

But it all feels like too much effort to have to care about something. I have become captivated by the mundane. I have become especially addicted to shows about celebrities that don�t matter to me. Like the other night I watched the E True Hollywood Story on Liza�twice in a row. Do I give shit about Liza Minelli? Not really. I mean, I like Cabaret and all, and Arthur�s a decent movie, and she seems nice enough and I�m sorry for her health problems yada yada, but do I actually give a flying houdini about Liza fucking Minelli? Of course I don�t. And yet I was glued to the TV, compulsively spooning Ben and Jerry�s Fudgecore and actually tearing up for Christ sakes at poor fucking Liza�s life.

I really and truly am starting to feel better and more objective, but I�m still in a fog, I guess. Or I�m coming out of it. I am self-medicating with pop culture saccharine and junk food and alcohol.

Luckily, once I move I won�t have cable anymore. Just a DVD player. So I can watch Pride and Prejudice and the whole Prisoner series and Twin Peaks if I need to get a television fix, and at least I won�t be rotting my brain.

No actually though, I really do think a lot is going to change for me in the next couple months. I'm sad, but it�s going to be very very good. Not just for me but for all involved.