June 24, 2002 | 12:16 AM

I painted my fingernails sparkly hooker pink, the kind girls wear in pornos when the camera zooms in on them giving some poor fat sucker a hand job.

Oh I�m such an easy lay. Too easy. I don�t need to be wined and dined. I don�t need to be coaxed. I love sex.

But it would be so nice if just once in awhile, a boy would pretend he didn�t know that. And I could be wined, dined and seduced. Romanced. Adored. Fingers and toes stroked to Beethoven�s ninth. Dress unbuttoned slowly and with great religious purpose. Stockings lovingly caressed and folded down with the delicacy one would treat an antique and original work of art. Lower lip sucked on like the best lollipop you�ve ever tasted.

Just once I wanna be the vestal virgin in a whore�s nightgown, treated with delicacy and care, whispered Cooleridge or Jesus even Bukowski in my ear as the candles are blown out, and then only silence punctuated by a symphony of moans.