May 09, 2002 | 11:19 AM

I just want to clarify something.

This is a diary. A friggin diary.

Some days I wake up and I feel as BBBBBBB said via guestbook about this entry, really bitter. Some days I feel angry. Some days I feel sad. And I write about it. I write about how I�m feeling in the moment. It isn�t some grand fucking statement for humankind�it�s just me talking about how I feel as I�m writing, or me telling a story about something that happened.

And I just sort roll my eyes at someone who points out the obvious�ie �not everyone in college is a trustfund brat�. DUH!!!! When I went to school I was on a $15,000 merit/acting scholarship and grant money up the wazoo. There is only a small percentage of people in this country who are able to attend college without financial aid or scholarships. I know a woman who worked her way through her bachelors and masters degrees while she was a single mom. I know people who pay over $500 a month on their student loans. Yesterday I was speaking specifically about certain people I am acquainted with, and I didn�t feel like identifying them. And let's face it-- a lot of kids who go to art school for music, acting, writing, or what have you just plain suck. A lot of them are indulged by well meaning paretns and teachers and they get away with sucking throughout their college careers. They aren't "daring to dream" as BBBBB stated. They are wasting their own and everyone else's time.

Ask me on another day and I�d tell you that my acting training was invaluable to me, that people I�ve met who go to Berklee and Mass Art and Emerson are great, etc. I know people who attended all of those schools who have a great deal of talent. But there's an amazing amount of mediocrity as well.

See life is complicated, and a lot of different things can be true at different times. Sometimes I see the world in black and white. Sometimes in color. Sometimes I paint situations in bold strokes and other times I focus on the nuances. In fact, there isn't a single person from Plato to the clerk at 7-11 who doesn't do that. There are no absolutes. But occassionally, we all make absolute statements based on how we are feeling in a given instant. And it is the synthesis of these statements which add up to a greater truth. I'm sorry to have offended if I spoke in generalities about rich, snotty, artistically untalented and vapid college students. But it sounds as though I hit a nerve with someone. And again, I have nothing against college kids as a group of people. Some of my favorite people and diaryland writers are college students (i.e. Sleepygirl)

I also have nothing against going to art school and then working for a living. BBBBB wrote, �Sometimes, temping even provides them [the crappy art students]with the means to pursue what they love- it doesn't have to signify failure.�

Really? Amazing! I had no idea you could temp and work on your art at the same time!!!! Thank BBBBB for enlightening me!

I mean for crimminy sakes, I have done the temping thing to pursue my other dreams. Everyone does it. I�m not saying that temping or working a job is bad�only that many people feel they are above doing it and look down on people that do until the point that they actually have to work. Hell, the job I�m doing now is merely a way of supporting myself while I pursue the goals that are important to me. That�s true of 90% of the world.

Yesterday when I wrote this, I was feeling bitter and irritated by some of the people I�ve met and by the city I live in. And if you don�t like reading the diary of someone who chronicles feeling bitter or pissed or sad or whatever, then don�t read it.

And if you don�t like pretentious indie rock/literary references, too bad. Because I like making �em. And doing so does make me feel cool. Every time I mention Thurston Moore calling me on the phone to ask my opinion on the latest Kill Kock Stars release, or when Magnet begs me to write a four page article on Quasi's latest tour, or when Kurt fucking Cobain comes to me during a sceance to let me know that Minneapolis is going to have a neo-punk revival not seen since the likes of Husker Du, I know I'm far more awesome than anyone else on this planet. I like making obscure refernces and I like reading the diaries of other people that make �em as well.

Also, do to the barrage of negative press (chortle) I�ve gotten lately, these kinds of guestbook/ email critiques are rolling off my back at this point. And if you wanna write me something scathing, go right ahead�I might even respect what you have to say. But when you don�t leave a web address or an email or something, that makes you look like a coward.