April 04, 2002 | 3:14 PM

7AC )### Thurston St.

The weeks leading up to the big move are filled with joyful anticipation.

I am fixated on Allston/Brighton as the holy mecca of the greater Boston area. Once John, Jenn and I move to our new little shit hole on Harvard Ave, everything will be peaches and sunshine.

Never mind that I hate the Stupid Company.

Never mind that there are some serious issues in my relationship with John.

Never mind that I am repressing all of the conflicting emotions I have about Angus.

Never mind that I am starving myself.

Never mind actually that I haven�t coped with anything that�s happened to me since I came back to Boston. Never mind that I�ve excused and swept under the rug so many transgressions and traumas and hurts and fucked up judgements and wrongdoings on the part of myself others.

Let�s not talk about the elephant in the living room. If we ignore him he�ll just go away.

I just know that somehow when we move to Allston, I will magically transform into another person to whom these problems aren�t occurring. Allston is young and fun and hip and easily accessible. Once I move there won�t I be young and fun and hip and easily accessible too?

A change of locale informs a change of spirit, does it not?

I conveniently overlook the fact that the last time I lived in Allston was with Penny and Alex and I certainly wasn�t a happy hearts and flowers girl then.

There are some legitimate reasons to celebrate though. After all, we will be relegating Ronnie Jackson, the great unwashed sociopath to the archives of history�s biggest loser roommates. No longer will I live in fear for Jenn�s life. No longer will I be subject to violent glares whenever John or I so much as speak to her. Take that Ronnie Jackson, you piggy redneck.

Jenn has agreed that Ronnie absolutely will not be coming to our apartment ever. That once she leaves she is done with him for good.

Thank goodness.

Oddly enough, Ronnie has indeed found a place to live.

He is moving in with Angus.

Yes, you heard me correctly.

Angus.

I�ve warned Angus again and again.

Dude, are you sure that you wanna take on Ronnie Jackson as a roommate? I mean, he�s pretty insane. He thinks John and Jenn and I are doing the New Order thing.

The new what?

The bizzare love triangle. He thinks we�re in on some three way fuck buddydom deal. And he also told Jenn he hoped she�d get hit by a car.

Angus is nonplussed.

Yeah, that�s pretty fucking crazy. But I�m not worried about it. He�s scared of me and he won�t fuck with my shit. If he does, I�ll boot his ass out. He�s a typical passive aggressive anyway. As long as he stays in his fucking room, and doesn�t bother me, I�ll leave him alone.

Angus pauses.

Besides I feel kind of sorry for him.

I roll my eyes.

What? What the fuck are you talking about?

Angus shuffles his feet.

Well, you know...his dad killed himself and he grew up in that cult...

It occurs to me how alike Angus and I are. That�s the same thing I thought when I�d asked Ronnie to move in with us the previous year. But I don�t say that. Instead I say,

How does Ronnie Jackson do this to people? Why is it that no matter how crazy someone is, everybody picks up after that person�s mess because we all feel sorry for them that they�re insane and they�ve had an insane life?

Angus is through discussing the matter.

Whatever. I need a roommate. Crazy Ronnie needs a place to live. I�d rather ask him to move in than somebody I don�t know, who�s probably even more crazy.

Once Ronnie is all set to move in with Angus, he becomes much easier to deal with. When Ronnie worked at the Stupid Company as an interviewer a long time ago, he�d hated Angus. Now, Angus is his hero. Whenever I talk to Ronnie he tells me how much he�s looking forward to hanging out with Angus�how he can�t wait to watch movies with him and go on beer runs.

He talks about this new living situation as though it�s a slumber party he�ll be attending.

Some people are such phony assholes.

Besides not having to deal with Ronnie anymore, there is another reason to celebrate.

One good thing actually finally happens at The Stupid Company.

At the Stupid Company, Seth is my immediate superior. He is also my friend. I�ve known him since I was an eighteen-year-old college freshman and I�ve always adored him. He reminds me a great deal of my father�same sense of humor, same down to earth way of looking at the world, same combination of shyness and aggressiveness, same deep affection for humanity coupled with an aversion to displaying said affection. I would do anything for Seth, and perhaps that is one of the reasons I�ve been working my tale off for The Stupid Company, who is after all,

The Daddy Figure I Try Desperately To Impress

At the end of the summer, Seth and I sit down for my year end review. He fills out one of those beaurocratic employee evaluation sheets, and he rates my performance over the past year as being stellar. He describes me as a loyal and hardworking member of The Stupid Company Team. He praises my effort and my willingness to work long hours without any notice.

I ask,

So...did you talk to BigPeter? Do I get a raise?

Seth grins.

BigPeter is the founder, owner, and President of The Stupid Company. He looks exactly like a Ken Doll, except shorter and with darker hair, and he projects the same vapid charisma you would expect from a Ken Doll come to life. Behind the scenes though, BigPeter is not the easygoing charmer he leads us to believe. I�ve listened to him scream at other employees when he thinks no one else can hear. He is also a notorious tightwad in terms of wages and benefits�this problem has grown increasingly worse since LonnieMcMorman, the skulking VP has come on the scene.

Despite all this, Seth has gone to bat for both John and I. We are each getting raised by $2.00. That means I�ll be making a whole $15.00 an hour! This seems like an enormous amount of money to me. Little do I know I am being financially raped and that most people in a position comparable to mine would be making twice that.

I think however, that we�ve already established just how little I know about anything.

At the end of the summer of 2000, I am happy. Happy as anyone on the verge oif a nervous breakdown could possibly be.

I am happy with my starving, romantically fucked up, workaholic little self.

Everything is going to be just a-ok!

Stay tuned for part the forty-sixth...

Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows,

Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together.

Brighter than a lucky penny, when you're near

The raindrops disappear, dear, and I feel so fine

Just to know that you are mine!

My life is Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows,

That's how this refrain goes,

So come on, join in,

Everybody!

Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows,

Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way,

'Cause you're in love to stay!

Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows,

Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way,

'Cause you're in love...

You're in love...

And love is here to stay!

Read The SAGA from

THE VERY BEGINNING!

time capsule from heaven - Sunday, Aug. 21, 2011
31 - Saturday, Mar. 15, 2008
Dead/Alive - Monday, Mar. 10, 2008
Do not trustTIAA-CREF-- they are fucking their customers - Friday, Jul. 28, 2006
Shilling - Tuesday, Jul. 11, 2006

Before After