January 12, 2002 | 2:59 AM

Dear Honey,

I just wanted to say thanks so much for being really supportive and nice during any crisis that I have-- big or small.

Like now for instance when I have the flu. I really appreciate the fact that you haven't been standoffish or impatient, and that you haven't stopped treating me like your girlfriend and instead started behaving as though I was some kind of pariah.

And I also am so glad that when you're going to be a couple hours late you call me or email me so I don't worry, and that you don't forget to pick up a bottle of wine you said you would get and instead go out drinking with some other girl.

Oh, and I don't mind at all that you play the same damn songs you've written about other girls over and over again. It doesn't make me feel like total shit at all.

And I don't feel that since I said that I still wanted to be with you and told you I was going to give you space that you've dropped the "Nice Boyfriend" act and have gone right back to being to being exactly the way you were.

Oh, and I think I forgot to mention that today is OPPOSITE DAY.

Who am I kidding? Why do I think that next year when we move somewhere else things are going to be any different? If I stay with you, I'm never going to have a real equal relationship. I'm going to wind up feeling like shit on a Friday night while you get smashed and pretend you don't have a girlfriend. Why the fuck do you even want me around anyway? You already have a Mom.

Thanks for reminding me that I don't mean shit to you unless I threaten to leave.

You fucking jerk.