December 25, 2001 | 3:23 AM

Ok-- just had a really long talk with my mom.

I feel much better now. Sometimes I forget that my mom is just a person-- that she has her own problems and fears, and that she does love me and is trying to do her best. She didn't behave appropriately at all, and she apologized. She explained that she feels a need to manage everything and control everything and that she feels everything needs to be perfect all the time.

It must be very hard to have your husband die and leave you with three kids, and then marry another husband who turns out to be such a bastard (she divorced that bastard, the father of my youngest sister a couple years ago.)

My mom is just way too sensitive and she lacks objectivity. She's trying. I don't know...

I was able to tell her a lot of things that I really needed to say. I love her. I have a lot of feelings about her. (Read this entry) It's hard for me to come to terms with all of it. I don't do feelings (especially "negative" ones) very well.

Anyway... I love my mom. I feel better about the situation, and I'm not going home tomorrow.