December 13, 2001 | 3:50 PM

My face has erupted.

Oh yes... I thought it was a dead volcano, but I have been proven wrong. All around my mouth are these blemishes.

(I can't stand using the word *pimple* or *zit* because those terms are so motherfucking vulgar)

And these... these... blemishes... they hurt really badly.

So I can't just forget about them and pretend they don't exist.

Just when I think I've gotten around it, I am hit smack dab in the face with my own relentless vanity.

(no pun intended)